7 Freelance Jobs Possible for New Boom! Comic (based solely on the teaser image)

Boom released this image to promote their new title, Freelancers

After examining the image closely, I have come up with the following 7 possible Freelance jobs  for this character.

1: Chef at Beniaha.  Given that she has two large (ahem) knives on her back and is wearing a hair covering, it appears that this young lady would be qualified for a position in the food service industry.  The two knives suggest Beniha because of the dazzling displays fo knife-skills that they perform nightly at each table.  However, with her hands behind her back, it is difficult to tell if she has washed her hands since returning to the kitchen from the restroom.

2: Wet-Nurse.  In addition to having two lagre knives, the young woman in question also has two large breasts (you may not have noticed them given the size of the knives strapped to her back).  Also notice the woman’s small waist.  Milk production in lactating women burns a significant number of calories.  So, a lactating woman may have a small waist, but her breasts may be engorged.  The reason that I suggest that she is a Wet-Nurse and not a mother goes back to the title.  Freelancers.  It is difficult, if not impossible to be a freelance mother.  (I guess there is the possibility of an egg donor, but that does not explain the engorged breasts).

3: Babysitter. There are three reasons I hold this to be a real possibility.  First, she appears quite young, possibly high school or maybe college age.  Babysitting is a fantastic way for kids to make a few bucks, eat some free food, and watch tv.  Second, did you notice the two large knives on her back?  Babysitters have to be able to enforce the rules of the house, maintain order, and provide protection for the child in the event of an emergency.  What else could achieve all three of those goals than a pair of razor sharp katana?  Lastly, check out the background.  Pink and red in a cute design that employs both lines and circles.  This suggests a young child’s bedroom or nursery. The only thing missing is a mobile or a stuffed animal.

4:  Mechanical engineer.  Now, while many of you were busy eyeing her large knives strapped to her back, I was taking in the entire picture.  Notice, directly below the word “Freelancer” is something that initially suggests a belt buckle.  That “buckle” screams Mechanical Engineer for two reasons.  First, that buckle looks more like a high-tech device than an actual, functional belt buckle.  Given how low on her hips her pants are resting, it would take more than just a regular belt to keep them up for any amount of time.  A mechanical engineer would be able to create some sort of regulating device which cinched and relaxed the belt as she moved to keep the pants from sliding down her legs while still allowing for blood circulation and leg movement.  Also, let us consider the most famous mechanical engineer on the planet:

That’s a man who knows the importance of a belt buckle that makes a statement.

5: CNN Reporter.  It is no secret that CNN is in trouble.  Nothing they are trying is helping their ratings.  In fact, it was just announced that their ratings have hit a twenty year low.  This is despite all of the gimmicks it has tried in the past few months including celebrity wake-up calls, letting Anthony Bourdaine say whatever he wants, and spending hours of programming time covering the Queen’s Jubilee.  What they need is a new kind of reporter.  But, just in case it doesn’t work out, she should be a freelancer.

This young woman appears to be the perfect field reporter.  She is young and attractive (something that appears to be more valuable in news “reporting” today than actual skills or journalistic integrity) and appears as if you could easily drop her in downtown Cleveland or downtown Baghdad without any issues.  And, clearly, she can take care of herself.  Remember how all those reporters were complaining about being harassed and attacked during the Arab Spring?  Who is going to mess with a woman with two big knives strapped to her back?

6: Governor of Alaska.  If there is one thing that Sarah Palin taught us, it is that being governor of Alaska is definitely the kind of job you can give to a freelancer.  Serving less than a full term as governor, Palin spent most of her time on “main street”.  Clearly if she can do that and still be considered successful enough to run for Vice-President, then it is the kind of job that could be handed off to a freelancer who may or may not have higher political ambitions.

Also, Alaska can be a dangerous place.  While walking along Main Street it is common to see bear, moose, or Democrats, any of which can attack at a moment’s notice!  So, the fact that our pluck young freelancer is armed with two large knives strapped to her back means that she will always be prepared for an attack from the Left (or even the right).

7: Spokeswoman for Oil of Olay.  There is a real possibility that I have completely misjudged this picture entirely.  What if she is not a young high school or college aged individual?  What if those are not large knives strapped to her back?  What if she is a 76 year old woman and those are her canes behind her back?

America has an aging population.  The baby Boomers are retiring.  More and more women (and men) are dealing with the realities of aging.  While there are Pilates and yoga for the body and silicone for the breasts, nothing keeps a face looking young like Oil of Olay.  This septuagenarian could be the face of Oil of Olay for years to come.  However, spokesmodel jobs are difficult to come by and are often temporary at best.  They are the perfect job for a freelance grandmother-turned-model who is looking for a few extra bucks to supplement her Social Security.

So there you have it.  7 Possible freelance positions for this character based solely on the information provided by the Boom! teaser image. Which one of those seven jobs will it be?  I guess we will find out soon when Boom releases solicit info about the new series.

What do you think?  What other Freelance positions is this person clearly qualified for?  Place your thoughts in the comment section!

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2 Responses to 7 Freelance Jobs Possible for New Boom! Comic (based solely on the teaser image)

  1. Pingback: Comics A.M. | DC Comics sticking with hardcover-first policy | Robot 6 @ Comic Book Resources – Covering Comic Book News and Entertainment

  2. Pingback: BOOM! Studios Blog » Blog Archive » FREELANCER:”GOVERNOR OF ALASKA?”

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